These past few months have been a little hectic for me. I've been nursing a broken heart! Something I didn't expect or plan to do for a while. But it happened & now I have to deal with it.
Me being the strong lady I am, I've been handling it all pretty well. There were a few days where I thought I just couldn't anymore, but then I found new hope too carry on in the smile of my son.
I fell for a guy I KNEW I couldn't have. (He's in a relationship) I crushed so hard on this guy, that I started dreaming about him. It was hectic. Painful, yet I kept thinking about him. I even started hanging out with him & his girlfriend. Biggest mistake ever, but I thought if I got close enough to him & his girlfriend, & that if I saw how happy they are that I'd get over my crush. Stupid, stupid Donna.
Disappointingly it didn't work. I fell even deeper. I couldn't understand how I had developed such a crush for a guy I barely knew & even though I knew he had a girlfriend. It sucked. It still sucks, but I think I'm starting to come to terms with it now. Letting go & moving on. Forgiving myself for the stupid mistake & forgetting him because the lust I feel towards him is a sin.
I started questioning myself & everybody around me. I needed answers, but I wasn't quite sure where to find them. Luckily for me, I live with a VERY wise man. Wimpie gave me the answer I was looking for. I fell in love with this guy because I was lonely. This guy was giving me attention, saying all the right things, flirting & all that jazz. I haven't felt any affection towards a guy since Tiaan's dad & I broke up, so yes I'll admit I was lonely. And there this guy was, doing all the perfect things a lonely heart lusts for.
For those few seconds which he was giving me attention I felt something again. I felt human. This heartbreak was self inflicted, I know. I take full responsibility, but it still hurt. Still, I won't be moping around & be feeling sorry for myself. This was just another lesson I needed to learn;
"Love when you are Ready, not because you are Lonely!"
So ladies, remember those wise words. We tend to give our broken hearts so easily not because we want them to be loved, but because we want them to be fixed.
Another lesson I had to learn in life! I don't regret it at all. Each lesson I learn makes me a stronger & wiser lady in the end. Proud to say, for the first time in a long time I am able to see the positive side of this dilemma & not the negative.
XoXo