The Point of No Return!

In life we all reach a certain point... The point of no return! I've reached that point.
Whats the meaning of; "The point of no return"? Google defines it as; "The point in a course of action beyond which reversal is not possible!" I define it as; "The point in my life where I've made peace with my past, and that going back is no longer a option!" Seems Google & I have pretty much the same definition.

My past has been my present for a long time, I was never fully aware of it though but recently I discovered, I just wasn't moving on. And we all know, you can never truly move on unless you let go of what you had left behind! Some of us hold onto the past because it helps us remember those memories we don't want to forget, or that someone we lost but aren't ready to let go of!

I on the other hand held on because I have a fear of what the future may hold. And then the other day my lawyer made me realise that this silly fear I have was stopping me from letting go! She said that we don't have Crystal balls to predict the future, but we'll handle any situation that comes when it does.
I was always trying to predict tomorrow. Or I was building expectations which always led to disappointments. Why? Because it was the way I had taught myself to survive when I was alone.

But that's just the point. I'm not alone anymore! I don't have to defend myself against people who seem to think I'm not worthy or good looking enough. Or simply people who seem to find fault in everything I do. It doesn't matter! I am who I am. And what other people think of me, is frankly non of my business. I think all those people who judge me, seem to forget how harmful it is too their own characters!

I have wonderful people in my life. God put them there for a reason, and although the reason may not be clear right now. It will be revealed when He's ready! He also removed people from my life, people I thought were everything. But now I have come to realise those people were the negative effects in my life, causing me not to be able to see the positive. They were holding me down, from truly showing the world and myself what I am capable of!

It's been a year now since Tiaan's father and I broke up, and in this year I have grown stronger, changed, discover new things about myself, felt love from people who truly care, made friends, lost friends, become part of a family, seen my own family fall apart, seen them recover again, found new likes in life, found new hates in life, judged people, judged myself, loved people, loved myself, lost God, found God, forgave people but the most important thing, I forgave myself!

I've reached my Point of No Return.

XoXo

I'll have it all.

I've been having writers block these past few weeks! Why? I've had so much going on in my mind, I couldn't find the right why of putting it down on a piece of paper.
I've been sad, confused, angry and frustrated! I've been looking for any reason to hate myself more and more each day. Life sometimes tests our strength more than we think we are capable of handling. We start to look for reasons why we should give up instead of searching for reasons why we've been holding on for so long!
Past. Such a harsh word in my life! Have I been holding onto my past all this time? Even though time after time I've said that I let it go! Yes. That's exactly what I've been doing. I thought that if I held on just a little bit longer I'd start to understand why I felt all this pain. Instead I've only caused myself more pain and heartache! We all seek clearance in it, but it's not there. It's in the moment of NOW.
Now. Present. All the answers I've been looking for has been in front of me all this time. Each day I wake up has been a blessing. God given gift. Yet, all the time I was staring into the past. Thinking of all the things I had instead of all the things I have.

Future. We all have hope and faith. No matter what we say. Why? Because every night we go to bed, we set our alarm clock. Even though we have no idea that we'll wake up the following day! That's hope. Faith, that he'll bless us with another day.

So here I am, trying my best to get over all these stupid feelings. Looking for all the amazing blessings in my life. Even if I don't see them all right now. I need to set my focus on NOW. Not yesterday or tomorrow. Life is a gift. I'm blessed with a gorgeous son, two awesome men who support me, family and loving friends.

Thank you all for being here.

My next post will be a lot better. Promise!

XoXo